Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
