The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
