At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
