so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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