do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
