Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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