Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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