Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
