Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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