Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
