Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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