Where did you get a picture of my penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
