i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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