bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
