i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
