I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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