Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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