my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
