Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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