just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
