Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
