I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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