I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
