are you still at the devil's house?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
