I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
