It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
