I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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