Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
