absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
