Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I want is dick and wine.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
