in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
