it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
