Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
