Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
