last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
