I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
