To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
