Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
