I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
