he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
