It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
