in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
