I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
