i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
