I am puke
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
