Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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