last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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