You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
