when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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