I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
